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The Age of Adaline

The Age of AdalineI just finished watching this and walked away thinking that this was the least worthy of The Age Of … movies released at the same point in history. As usual this contains spoilers, so if you’re reading past this and have an issue with me whittling the plot down piece by piece just go somewhere else.

Adaline is a woman who has car issues when it’s snowing. She also becomes somewhat immortal for roughly 50 years and in this time rather than working hard to share with humanity the secrets contained within her unaging body, she spends time lying about who she is and hiding from the Men in Black, which she does perfectly as there’s only ever one encounter with the people who were trying to save the human race.

So with this amazing gift she got from hypothermia and lightning, both reproducible in a lab, that she secrets away for eighty years, she spends fake life after the next living for 10 year stretches as someone else and then moving on. Gathering more knowledge, occasionally boning some guy, and removing herself from any meaningful and lasting contribution to the world.

Adaline has a stalker, he does things like get her address from her work as he’s on the board, show up on the street with flowers, and do all sorts of things that would get a restraining order in real life but somehow are supposed to make him an endearing character. I understand the concept, I’ve seen these movies before, this doesn’t work. He just comes across as stalker mcStalkenstein. Oh he’s rich, never mind.

She decides to do him and of course the next day her dog dies so she decides fuck it, she’s done with this life and moving to Oregon to continue on with her wasted potential of a life under a new assumed identity, but somehow this guy manages to worm his way into her heart so she decides to try and be a little nicer to her stalker.

At knowing her roughly three weeks the stalker invites her to come back to meet his parents. Of course his dad is Han Solo and boned Adeline back in the 60s, which later results in him begging her to stay and continue boning his son. No, really. There’s a scene in which he begs her to stay and live her life which she hasn’t been living with his son.

How does he know she hasn’t been living her life based on his two minutes of conversation with her we have no clue. She runs off, once again has an accident while it’s mysteriously snowing in California, and once again gets a shock to the heart while hypothermic, wakes up and comes clean to her ex-lover’s son.

Wow, the secret to immortality was as simple as hypothermia plus electricity. Seems like something that she could have easily dropped in an anonymous letter to scientists back in the 1950s along with maybe a vial of unaging blood or something. “Dear science, here’s some unaging blood, here’s what happened to me, I think that’s how you become immortal, now don’t chase me down and dissect me”.

It’s all supposed to be a formulaic love story with a sci-fi twist, but what it comes out as is incredibly selfish immortal doesn’t help humanity, becomes obsessed with the past, bones ex-lover’s son, loses secret to eternal youth because she hid all evidence of it for the past half century, and now she gets to live aging again at 108 years old with the 20-something man she somehow loves.

Immortal narcissist gets what she wanted in the end and heads off to live yet another life, her final one, a now aging 108 year old with her ex-lover’s son.