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CBS’s Scorpion cliffhanger

CBS ScorpionWhile stumbling through CBS last night I ended up seeing a bit of the people from Scorpion attempting to get a GPS location on where one of their missing friends ended up. They couldn’t because he’d turned off the GPS auto location on his cell phone.

It interested me that they wouldn’t immediately use tower triangulation to get him within about 100 meters, so I started watching the show thinking there would be a reason, there wasn’t, oh well.

The season finale of Scorpion started out with a literal cliffhanger. There’s a guy on a cliff in a car attempting to not slide off of the cliff. There’re probably some reasons for not using a helicopter rescue considering how well on the edge that was, but there was zero reason to not send some firefighters on a rappelling rescue mission. That irked me to no ends.

In the meantime the super geniuses do things to rig up a way to drain the oil out of the car from a distance, and the person trapped in the car is conveniently bleeding to death from a piece of railing that stuck in his back, even though he evidently went over the cliff forward. I may have missed it and the railing snuck up and attacked him while I wasn’t looking, but that seemed odd.

The super geniuses get him to cauterize the wound using a cigarette lighter and a silver pen. Meh, of the unbelievable issues in this episode that was the least that made me want to beat them. My guess is if I were to investigate that the car cigarette lighter worked without the car being turned on… ok… suspend disbelief.

A bird at one point threatens to topple the car, all sorts of dire warnings involving fulcrum force and downward air displacement when the bird takes off, nobody suggest to chuck a shoe in the back seat when the crow takes off to offset the weight… supergenius fail.


Most of the episode was a series of people who seemed to have been chosen for their ability to not be able to act taking the rescue operation out of the hands of people who actually trained for it. Sorry Scorpion, the solution was to rappel two firefighters down a rope, attach a tow cable or some such to the car so it didn’t move and even if it did it was caught, and then start the extraction using a life flight helicopter now that the car’s not going anywhere.

During the episode I kept being amazed at all the random pseudo smart things that were thrown in to make them sound smart that had no bearing on even what they were attempting to sound smart about.

It was utterly horrible but I’d already invested half an hour in this atrocity.

At one point the woman who’s face is too small for her head goes and steals a crane and rigs up a harness. Errr… there’s a fire engine right there with a similar set of equipment including a steel line… no reason to have left. Even if it didn’t have the steel line there’re vehicles there that would have had it and been able to be rigged up.

So she rigs a harness and sends an old, presumably weaker man down to grab our guy as opposed to, oh, I don’t know, someone who trains every other weekend for this type of thing, is 40 years younger, and probably capable of extracting the distressed person just with the power of his ass.

But no, old dude gets harnessed up to go and grab him, and does. And then he lifts him up and it doesn’t look like the guy’s on a harness running down his sleeve at all… no, everyone has one arm twice the size of the other.

CBS seems to have the idea that if you make characters unrelatable, cast them with actors that try and not connect with the scene, throw in some smart sounding stuff, you’ll get something incredible. What it came across as was a show for people whose minds were completely blown by MacGuyver, but can’t stand the edgy comedy of The Big Bang Theory.

This, however was only one episode at the end of the season when I would assume they had hit their stride. It makes me cringe to think where they’re going with this.

The fact that our gang all decided they wanted to work in a garage as a point of pride afterward made me want to shake the TV. It felt like it was written by someone who had the general idea of what an autistic kid might do and decided to mold the supergeniuses into that. It felt like the ending to St. Elsewhere turned into a tv show of its own.

Everything felt wrong.

Even a cliffhanger ending, that was not a cliffhanger ending at the ending…

  • Nate

    Mock-science; it’s just terrible on a show that’s supposed to be about smart people. Unfortunately the writers aren’t so bright, but hey, it’s good enough for Hollywood.